I Love Being a Dad

By McKrae Game

IMG_0296I love Father’s Day. It means SO MUCH to me.  However, the day used to be a very painful day for me.  It is only by God’s designed providence that I am following Him, in marriage, and a dad.

One of the biggest reasons I walked away from homosexuality was to have a family and be a father, and I could not see that being with another man.

Regardless of my childhood dysfunction, I still saw family and fatherhood as a very positive venture. As a single young man, I desired marriage and family as if it were a calling upon my life. I did not know how The Lord was going to work it all out, but I had faith. I prayed every single day for my wife, starting right after getting saved. “Lord, prepare me for her and prepare her for me. You call me a sheep. I’ll miss her! Don’t let me miss her.”

The Lord honored that prayer. For the five years that I said that prayer, my wife was in a holding pattern for her husband. Actually, at about the same time I got saved, she went on her last date. She said, “Lord, don’t send me another man until you send me my husband.”

During that very tough time for she and I, we both grew to rely upon The Lord as we looked at the possibility of a life of singleness, but very much desired marriage and family. Five years later, I was her first date. She let my roommate know that she was interested in me, which is what I SO needed.

There are a lot of long stories that I’m leaving out, but we were both in a good place. As we left her house (which was a block away from my house) I said to her, “I’m looking for a wife. If you’re looking for a husband, great. If not, we’ll go out tonight and have fun, but we won’t go out again.” I asked her later about that comment, and she said that it meant a lot to her that I wasn’t playing games.

We had many discussions in those first days and weeks. I wanted to know what her testimony was, her beliefs on marriage, abortion, divorce, and certainly children. This was before I was public about my past, and funny enough I didn’t ask her anything about homosexuality. That did eventually come up, and I told her everything. She thought it was all in the past, but I told her that I felt I was supposed to have a public ministry.

It was only a little more than a year between the time we went out on our first date to the time we got married. We went through some excellent pre-marriage counseling, that could have been way better if I had told my pastor about my past during the counseling period.

Not long after we got married we started talking about trying to get pregnant. We were older, and wanted to have a couple of children. We wanted a boy and a girl. Unfortunately, things were not happening for us right away as we had seen in the lives of so many friends.

Sex, which we had enjoyed until now, became a chore. Each time was for the purpose of trying to get pregnant. It had to be scheduled around what we thought was her ovulation period. Well, it turned out, after seeking the consultation of Julie’s OGBYN, that she was actually not ovulating at all! We had to go through a bunch of tests and five surgical procedures to correct things in Julie. After all that, we started the fertility process which was very involved and VERY stressful.

We cried so many tears together and apart. The infertility process was breaking us, not apart but as people. We wanted children so badly, but it wasn’t happening. I would not wish infertility on my worst enemy. It was this very stress that caused me to fall back into gay porn, start phone sex and become addicted, and end up having a one time sexual fall against my wife. It was that fall that got me back into counseling, to my first Exodus regional, and where I heard Clay McClain speak.  Through those words, The Lord had revealed His calling upon my life. The birth of Hope for Wholeness.

I remember driving down the road hearing the song on the radio, “I want to be just like You, cause he wants to be just like me. I want to be a holy example for his innocent eyes to see.” (I’ve put the link to the lyrics at the bottom.) Each and every time that song came on I would LOSE IT. Even as I just wrote that I started crying as it brought memories of that painful time back.

We ended up having both of our children, through the financial help of my mom, through fertilized in-utero insemination. We needed twice the normal amount of drugs. If these steps wouldn’t have worked, we would have moved on to adoption, but we both wanted our own birth children if at all possible. In the end, this was what worked for us but it was a hard road.

Several years later I had my son, Seth, sitting next to me in the front seat of my dump truck as I was driving down the road heading to the county landfill; “I want to Be Just Like You” providentially came on the radio. I started sharing with my little boy the relevance and that song, and the story behind it. His innocent eyes just looked at me as I broke down in tears crying. Obviously, he couldn’t understand.

Today Seth is 13 years old and 6′ tall, doesn’t want to hear a sappy story. My son and daughter remind me on a daily basis the blessings of turning your WHOLE life over to Christ Jesus, our Creator, for His workmanship.

I love Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and any day that I take the time to think of how blessed I am to have turned my life over to The Lord and for Him to have given me a new life found in Him.

I Want to Be Just Like You Lyrics
Phillips Craig And Dean

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Source: McKrae Game Blog

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