We’ve corresponded with this very gentleman for a number of years, whom I’ve personally traveled and met with in Florida. He’s also published a book, in which we plan on republishing for him and offering on our website. This is his personal story. From behind bars, he considers himself a volunteer staff member of Hope for Wholeness. We send him letters and stamps, and he not only writes us, but he writes others and encourages them. The Lord restored his heart. Though behind bars, he’s free inside his heart. Please pray for encouragement and safety for him, and that his ministry would reach beyond his walls. – McKrae Game
Serving Life in Prison Changed through Christ
Beaten with a bloody nose I heard, “Now, go tell again!”
This happened nearly 60 years ago, but it is so burned into my brain it’s as if it recently happened. I was born in May 1949; having two older brothers, a younger brother and sister. My first years were as normal as any boy could have; watching Bugs Bunny cartoons, winning wars with my toy soldiers, and driving my toy cars and truck. But, that pure innocence was about to be ripped from me – forever!
I was 7 years old when my older brother molested me in the middle of the night. That forbidden door was opened for me, a door that should never have been opened to one so young. The pain I experienced and the never-before-known explosive, sexual feeling caused incredible pain and changed me forever. The pure innocence of a naïve boy was stolen from me. What remained was a lost 7 year old that was forced to enter a sex-crazed world unprepared! Talk about being blind-sided, I was not hit with a truck, I was smashed by a speeding train that crushed me and kept right on going.
The change was so evident, that for the next three years it was as if I had a sign around my neck that said, “I’m a sex toy, play with me.” First, three male cousins (near my same age) who lived on a farm used me for their personal enjoyment. One of those nights, my same-age cousin had me in his bed. Then, the oldest one came over and asked me to “sleep” in his bed. I said, “No!” My cousin put his feet against my back and pushed me out of his bed. When I got up off the floor I was led to the other bed to have sex with him. Sometimes we made hay forts in the barn loft, and more than once I lost my underwear somewhere in the fort. I remember my uncle feeding the cows bales of hay and he found the lost underwear; looked at me (as if he knew they were mine) and threw them over the side with the cows. Several times I was made to run around naked in fields, the woods, and even through a briar patch. They all laughed when they had me pee on a electric fence, (this is something no one wants to do twice!)
Back home in the city, six children, boys and girls, and two adults, a man and a female “friend” of our family, all separately sexually used me. I was nearing my tenth birthday and having “advanced sex education” over those three years, I graduated to be taught by an adult man and woman. This was far beyond what I experienced before. I was really confused, I knew what others did to me was wrong. I felt so used, so out-of-control of my life. So I told! I was not believed and got a spanking for lying. A boy hit me in my nose and molested me, even while my nose was bleeding, and laughed and said, “Now, go tell again!” I learned that day, you don’t tell because adults don’t believe you and you get beat up.
At 10 years old, I met a homosexual man, and I learned a lot. So, at this time I chose to become a 10 year old homosexual; and for the next 34 years I lived as such. My mother died when I was 12, and my father couldn’t care for us. I was sent to live with a woman who was a “friend” of the family. She was already having sex with her 10 year old son, so she had me join them. When we were seen by her daughters, I was moved out to live with one of my brothers. There I became sexual with a neighborhood boy. It was found out and reported to the police. They responded by telling me to literally, “get out of town by sundown.” Repeatedly, I was moved to different families – seven families who fully knew before I moved in that I had a sexual problem, but not one person reached out to help me or to take me to get help. I longed for any adult to help me to get out of all that abuse, but instead, they too used me. When I was 38, my father told me he witnessed my older brother molest me that night. When I asked why he didn’t do anything, he said he “didn’t want to believe it was happening,” so he just turned around and walked away.
In 1994, I entered prison. Due to my wrong sexual choices I will die here. I call prison God’s school of higher learning. In these 18 years, I’ve been through many recovery programs. Among these is Hope for Wholeness, directed by McKrae Game, who provided me with recovery tools I needed years ago. Several years ago, McKrae and one of his leaders even came and visited with me in prison. They were at a conference in Florida and drove over an hour to meet with me and talk after several years of correspondence. We spoke at length and prayed. The visit was the first I had ever had, other than from visiting nuns from a local convent. Hope for Wholeness continuously helps those who want to change regardless of where they are or what they have done. Yes today I’m in prison, but I’m freer now than I have ever been. Thank you Hope for Wholeness!
Since 1997, God has been working through me to help others to also change. Looking back over the 63 years of my life is quite bewildering and sad; however God in the end worked all of those things out for His Kingdom as my story goes out. Sure, all of us who were abused as children wish it never had happened! We all want to be free of the memories of such terrible experiences.
Think on this, if I never was sexually abused, how could I help others who have been? I write recovery articles because, “I have been in your shoes.” Now I am able to reach back to help others also overcome.
I am free today of my past with the help of Hope for Wholeness; but there are some on a similar path behind me who also need help.
From behind these bars, God restored my heart to the point of being able to help others. God gave me a ministry to use from behind these bars that stretches worldwide. Through the ministry of my life and heart He and I wrote a recovery book, newsletters, and articles. This message of God’s redemption and hope has gone out across America and to Australia, India, Brazil and Canada. Readers who received these free materials wrote me of the help God gave them to be overcomers. Here are some excerpts from a free book that I wrote, You Promised, along with some of my other writings: >
What good is recovery: If I cannot reach back to a fellow sufferer still digging their fingernails into the side of the pit I just got out of. Maybe, their marks are over the same marks I just left as I climbed out? What good is recovery: If I walk on without hearing their cries, which are pressing against the echo of my same words for help?
Recovery to me: Is a choice I make not to act out, though I have the desires to act out, I can now reach back to help a fellow sufferer, to allow their tears to fall on my shoulders, to allow their cry for help to go directly into my ear, to allow their fingernails to no longer dig into the side of that muddy pit, but dig into my side, as a thorn, so I will never forget where I came out from. So be sure, I will always be reaching out to you. I have been there. I still have mud under my fingernails. So reach out to me, no matter how much mud you have on your hands, because I’m reaching out to you.
Whatever amount of change I get in recovery is directly proportional to the amount of effort I put into that change.
This change has to be as overpowering in my life as my acting out was. I have to live that change as much as I lived in my past actions. And as much as I took my actions to others, I have to take this change to others. Relapse is a process; not an event. It has a beginning, middle, and an end; and at any point relapse can be interrupted and stopped.
Your life today is the sum total of all the choices you have made up to this point. We all have areas of weakness. No one is beyond the potential to act out. No one is an island; we are here to help each other! Support Hope for Wholeness, each of us helps each other to stay on that narrow path, as over comers!
In 1697, Gottfried Leibniz said “The unbounded wisdom of the Almighty, together with His immeasurable goodness, has brought it about that, all things seen together, nothing better could come into being than what has been created by God.” Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
For 14 years now, I have written recovery articles. Recently an inmate in Texas read one of my articles in Petah Tikvah, a Messianic Jewish Newsletter where I had given Hope for Wholeness’s contact information. He contacted Hope for Wholeness for help, and, like always, Hope for Wholeness quickly responded. McKrae has told me that since then inmates across the country have responded to this same article asking them for help and they have replied, helping them with helpful correspondences.
These worldwide cries for help are only a fraction of the number of people who now choose to change their lifestyle. God changed my heart and life. Though still behind bars, and unless God moves otherwise I’m here to stay, God’s message of redemption and even freedom rings true in my heart. My message will continue to ring forth to all those seeking help and freedom, asking them to use my past as a stepping stone to become an over comer.